Rainy Days

I LOVE rain days!  I love when I hear on Friday that Sunday is going to be an all-day rain event!  All day rain!  I can't help it, I get all wiggly with anticipation.  Don't misunderstand, I love sunny days, but I really LOVE rainy days. 

In my mind, I am already planning how I am going to spend my rainy day.  Which actually, is really not much different than any other day.  But it is.  It's a rainy day.  The light in the house is different.  The light outside the house is different.  There are shadows and depth where there once was none.  I feel cozier and snug in my home on rainy days.   

We enclosed our porch a few years back, and when it's raining, and not too cold, I love to sit inside the porch and listen to the rain.  I am surrounded by the rain, I am part of the rain, and yet I'm not.  I feel like I am inside a shaky globe.  It's a fabulous feeling. 

Rainy days.  Hope your rainy day is just as grand! 

"Dear Life"

I just finished reading "Dear Life: A Doctor's Story of Love & Loss" by Rachel Clarke.  Actually this is the second time I have read it in 8 months. The first time I read it was because empathy, compassion and end of life is a topic I am drawn to. The second time I read it was because empathy, compassion and end of life was something I was experiencing in my own life. 

Dr. Clarke is a Doctor specializing in Palliative Medicine.  She chose this area to specialize in after serving for many years in the hospital system.  She witnessed a need, a need that she could fill. It was also in this area that she found her calling and life's mission. 

I would like to share a few quotes from her book.  The first is her answer to the question about how she could do this (care for the terminally ill) every single day. So many people said to her 'don't you find it depressing?'  Her response; "....nothing could be further from the truth.  All that is good in human nature - courage, compassion, our capacity to love - is here in it's most distilled form.  So often, so reliably, I witness people rising to their best, upon facing the worst.  I am surrounded by human beings at their finest."

And this: "What dominates Palliative medicine is not the proximity to death, but the best bits of living.  Kindness, courage, love, tenderness - these are the qualities that so often saturate a person's last days"

These quotes, her experiences, her wisdom and compassion is exactly why I read this book. Twice.  Dr. Clarke is honest and straightforward about the failings of our medical field. "We make paradoxical demands on our doctors.  We want them human, empathetic and caring, but only up to a point.  We also want the detachment that enables them to swoop to a crisis and crack on undeterred all instincts to recoil suppressed."

And this; "If in striving for longer and better living, doctors end up merely prolonging your painful demise, then medicine has surely lost its way."

End of life. This is not an easy topic to think about and acknowledge.  And it's not a talk we want to have with those we love, but it is so important.  So many times Doctors will steer terminally ill patients to choose "life saving" measures which unfortunately, in the end, greatly diminish their quality of life.  If you have these conversations beforehand, and your wishes are known, then you choose life, and death, on your own terms. 

The question Dr. Clarke asks, the question that we should all ask ourselves and those we love is this:  "What are your tradeoff's? What are you willing to do to ensure that your life, your remaining life, is comfortable and peaceful". 

The answer will be yours and it will be different for every single person.  But it's your life.  In this situation, you have every right to decide, on your terms, how to end this life and begin your new one. 💗

Prom

I never went to any of my high school dances, homecomings or proms.  Never.  Not one.  And just in case you are wondering - I wasn't even asked. In fact, I never even dated until after I got out of high school.  

This topic never bothered me.  Honestly, I never really gave it much thought until I found myself talking with two of my girlfriends.  We got on the subject of high school dances and I said that I never went to a single dance.  They found this interesting and one felt sorry for me.  I think of it now, the same as I've always thought of it, as a non-issue.  

I just wasn't that kind of kid. I had friends in high school, but I'm not a social person.  I do much better when I am in a small group of people, or better yet, one-on-one.  I KILL it one-on-one. Dances, large groups of people, it didn't appeal to me then and it doesn't appeal to me now either.  

I didn't go to a single High School dance and I am totally fine with that.  I have never once felt that I missed out on something.  In fact, I can guarantee that if I did go, I would have regretted that more. 

Sometimes people feel sorry for me.  They feel bad that I missed out on this experience.  I think they feel worse about it than I do. I didn't feel bad about it back then, and I don't feel bad about it now.   

I did an online search with the subject "So you didn't go to prom"....and thousands of topics came up.  As I scrolled down I saw one line that had a list of celebrities' that didn't go to their prom. And of course, they are all famous people with fabulous lives now.  I guess we are supposed to feel justified that we aren't that bad because famous person A didn't go to their prom either.  Or that you can still go on to live a great life like famous person B even if you didn't go to your prom.  All it did, for me, was reinforce that there is absolutely too much pressure to participate in this event. Too much importance on something that should be your own decision. 

Did you go to your prom?  Awesome!  You didn't go to your prom - that's awesome too!  However, you live (lived) your life, it's your choice.  And just think, I don't have to worry about horribly embarrassing photos of me in a pink, tulle fluffy thing showing up on social media. 😊

 

My Studio

My Studio - just saying the words "My Studio" fills me with joy.  Just knowing that I have this space, this studio all to my own, gives me hope and optimism. This studio is where I will fulfill my mission of spreading joy, one card, one kindness, at a time to as many people as I can, for as long as I can.  

I spend about 6 or 7 hours a day in my studio. I usually listen to audio books, and lately, I've been listening to TED Talks because I want to learn while I create.  I have a large window which overlooks the front of the house and I watch the neighborhood activity.  I know when the mail and packages come. I see the kids when they come home from school, and I can see what Missy see's when she growls her "I may not be outside, but I am here in my/Nora/guest room and I see you, so you better get off my street right now" growl.  And in the summer, I watch the hummingbirds. It's a great space. I don't 'work' in my studio, I 'create' in my studio. 

When people come to my house for the first time, I always show them my studio. Not because the room is especially nice, it's more about function than cozy.  And most likely the studio is in a state of disarray because I am always in the middle of a big project. But I show this room because this is me showing you me.  I am showing you who I am.  When I show you my studio, I am really showing you my heart and my soul. I know how fortunate I am to have this space of my own, So I invite friends to come create with me because my studio is your studio too. Spend time with me and let's create together. Come to my studio. This is who I am. 

I have been blessed with a husband who supports and encourages me in everything I do. He has never once complained about giving up space in our house for me.  Nor has he ever said a word about the amount of time I spend in my studio.  Never once.  He told me once that he is so glad that I have this room, that I have this outlet, that I have this room to create in.  He told me that he is so glad that I have this outlet which allows me to create and which allows me to give. He knows my heart. He knows I have to do both.  It's in my soul.  I have to be nurturing. 

Because I do so many different things; cards, jewelry, sewing, photography, writing etc.... my studio is chock full!  But everything is functional and necessary. Everything is organized in their own sections by crafts and I know where everything is - at all times.  It's chock full, but it's my studio.  It's my space where I create.  It's my place where I feel at home, comfortable and energized.  It's the place where I look forward to coming to each morning.  

When I lay in bed at night, before I go to sleep, I say my prayers, and I offer up my gratitude for all I have been given that day. I always have the studio on my list to be thankful for.  Always. I am thankful for the studio and for the outlet which allows me to fulfill my mission. And I wake up each and every morning with gratitude. I make a conscious effort to live my life in gratitude and it starts each day in my studio. 

Sometimes, commitments and activities keep me out of the room for a day or two and I feel it. I feel the ache and the pull to come back.  And then I return. I sit at my desk, pick up my watercolors and begin to paint again.  I am creating.  I am at home. I am grateful. 

Man with an Eye Patch Standing in a Cabbage Patch

Today's short blog is about this picture: Four well-dressed adults standing in a cabbage patch.  

I don't remember where I got this picture from.  I wish I could remember, but I don't.  There is nothing on the back to indicate why four well-dressed adults are standing in a cabbage patch.  But it's a great picture isn't it?

Everyone is smiling.  Well, everyone except the man on the far right.  You saw him right?  The man with the smallest cabbage, and the 'look' on his face.  And, oh, an eye patch.  

Besides the obvious delight the woman second from the left has with her HUGE cabbage, the two other women are happy too.  But the guy with the eye patch?  What is that look on his face?  Envy?  Astonishment?  It's hard to read, but he doesn't appear to be happy with his cabbage at all.  Or, with the woman with the largest cabbage.

I have a few thoughts:

1) Was this some sort of contest?  But if the contest was for the participants to go into the patch and find the biggest cabbage, why are they dressed up?  Wouldn't you be wearing overalls or other cabbage-picking attire? 

2)  Maybe they were just driving by, out for a drive, on their way to a restaurant, and they came upon the patch.  That would certainly explain why they are well-dressed. I do that often, pull over to the side of the road and venture into farm land to pull up produce. But why take the picture?  Had they never encountered a cabbage patch before? 

3) And Wowzers!  Look at the size of that cabbage the gal second from the left is holding!  It's not only the leaves that make this HUGE, but it's the cabbage itself.  She sure did pick herself a winner. And she is proud of her pick, that is clear. 

4) And then there is the guy with the eye patch.... Is he a pirate?  

5) If he is a pirate, why is he on dry land? Is his ship docked nearby?  

This picture cracks me up every time I look at it.  It's just so darn silly.  Looking at this picture leaves me with so many questions:  So, they have their picture taken, then what?  Did they get back into their car (ship?) with their cabbage and continue on their way?  Did they pull over at the zucchini patch up the road too? 

As you probably noticed, this is not a serious, inspirational or deep blog....it's just a blog about a picture that makes me smile every time I see it.  I hope it makes you smile too! 

If you have your own theories about this picture, I'd love to hear them!  

 

Thank you Mom

I've been keeping a list of things I want to thank my mom for.  I was going to put it together and publish the blog on her birthday in May, but I don't want to wait.  I want my mom to know just how awesome and special she really is.  Here it goes....

First, Mom, thank you for naming me "Janet".  You named me after your best friend Janet Gardner.  You met her when you were both in Nursing School and remained best friends, like sisters, until her death on December 3, 2017.  

Growing up, I always felt honored to be named after your friend but it was only when I became an adult, and spent time around the two of you, did I fully appreciate and understand this honor.  The bond, love and friendship you two shared was an amazing thing to witness.  You two shared so many adventures, triumphs and tragedies in your lifelong friendship. You remained best friends until the day she died and I know you miss her greatly.   I am honored and proud to be named "Janet" and I only pray that I can live up to her and do the name justice. 

Thank you for bringing us up in such a loving home. I never, ever doubted the deep love that you and Dad had for each other.  I know that times weren't always easy, but you always presented us with a united front.  You taught me that love is a commitment and you stay the course. 

Thank you for the great and clever Halloween costumes you made when we were growing up.  You made some pretty amazing costumes for me and Cathy!  You made Halloween fun for us and created some great memories. 

And Christmas too!  And every holiday...St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July... every holiday had it's own tub filled with decorations. You took such great joy in putting out the decorations each year.  In fact, when it was time to go through your things and pack up the house to move, I do believe that you labored most over the tubs of holiday decorations.  You didn't want to get rid of anything. Even when Cat instructed you to hold it and ask yourself "does it give me joy?", you answered "Yes".  To EVERYTHING! 😊 And so the tubs came with you to North Haven. 

Thank you for that spring day when you and Bernie were waiting in the front yard for Cathy and me to come home from school.  Bernie was young, barely crawling, but you both were outside, sitting in the grass, waiting for us. I can still remember coming up the road and seeing you both there.  Such a simple thing, but look, I remember it and treasure it more than 45 years later.  

Thank you for always making sure that we sat down to eat dinner at the table every night.  When I say that now, it seems so old-fashioned and outdated, but it really was a strong bonding place while we were growing up.  It's sad that children don't have this and I believe that it is a loss for them.  I'm glad you provided us with that experience. 

Thank you for making sure that your parents were such a strong presence in our lives growing up.  Going to Prospect to see Vo-Vo and Feety, not only for the holidays, but all those times during the week, was special to me.  And again, one I didn't appreciate at the time, but I do now as an adult. I love that you wanted us to know your parents and I admired your commitment to them.

Thank you for being there that day as I was walking home in the torrential rain. You were a RN and you worked days while we were at school.  We lived too close to the high school to ride the bus (we were just under 2 miles) so we walked every day.  Both ways.  As a side note, we lived on 'Long Hill Road', so yes, we did walk up a hill everyday.  And the road was called "Long Hill" so it was, well, it was a tough walk home.  And we lived in CT so there was absolutely snow involved.  Anyway....

This one day I was walking home and you drove up along side of me and picked me up.  I won't embellish the story and say that you bolted from work to pick up your child so she wouldn't have to walk 2 miles, up Long Hill, in the torrential rain, but for some reason, I was soaked to the bone and you pulled up along side of me.  Just like that you were there.  I never expected you to be there. I never asked you to be there. But there you were. That feeling of seeing your car and getting out of the rain has never left me. 

Thank you for not forcing me to eat meat.  For as long as I can remember, I never really liked meat.  I didn't like the texture, I didn't like the idea of it, and honestly, the taste never appealed to me either.  I was around 11 or 12 when I decided this and you never forced me.  You made sure that I had the right things to eat, but you never made me eat meat. 

Thank you for not saying "Well, I hate you too", when I screamed "I hate you!!" too many times during those awful teenage years. 

Thank you for sending me jars of peanut butter while I was in basic training.  Every care package contained a jar of peanut butter.  You weren't going to have me go through basic training without peanut butter. 

Thank you for coming to see me graduate from Basic Training.  I appreciate that you and Dad came to Ft. Jackson even though it was later because I was hurt and on crutches.  You both made the time to come see me and I appreciate that.  That was one of the hardest things I had ever done to date, but it never occurred to me to quit, I knew you were both proud of me for joining and I wanted to make you prouder by finishing. 

And thank you for saving all the letters I sent home from my Ft. Jackson days.  You gave me the package with all the letters a while back and it was such a thoughtful thing for you to do - save them for me.  To be able to read the letters and experience basic training and my school training again...all those things I forgot. 

Thank you for letting me move back home when I left the house to go live with a boy that was awful and treated me badly.  And when I called 6 months later, you let me come back home.  That was an incredibly hard call for me to make and I'm glad (now) that you didn't make it easy for me.  I had hurt you and Dad deeply, but you didn't say "No" and you let me come back home. 

Thank you for the intervention all those years ago when my weight had gotten dangerously low.  I never saw it, I couldn't see it. But you saw it. And you needed to get me help. Thank you. 

Thank you for being the woman at the party wearing the sweatshirt with glitter, the hat that twinkles and the smile on your face.  Your love of life is contagious. 

Thank you for loving my friend Emil too.  You always asked about him and sent him cards.  You loved him because he was a good and kind person, but also because I loved him so.  His death really hit me and you felt the loss too. 

Thank you for remembering all our favorite foods and making them for us.  You know what cake, barbeque sauce and chips Austin likes.  You know what Leah likes for her birthday and what kind of drink all the grandchildren like.  You remember all those little details because it is important to you to make people feel loved.  

Thank you for making me proud to be your daughter more times than I can count.  When I worked at Elim Park, you were in charge of the South Wing.  I will always remember seeing you at work and seeing the respect you received.  Everyone from the other RN's, to the head of Administrations, respected you.  You deserved it.  You are the most ethical and honest person I know.  You never made a decision out of anger, resentment or spite.  Everyone knew that Nora Pech would treat you fairly.  You may not like the answer you got, but it was fair. And you can't argue with that. Bill is exactly the same way.  He is the fairest person I know, next to you.  

Thank you for welcoming my husband into the family.  When I introduced this man, who was 16 years my senior, all those year ago, both you and dad couldn't have been happier for me.  You always remember his birthday and our anniversary like he was your own child and that means a lot to me, and to him.  And when you come to visit us, seeing the two of you, two of my most favorite people in the whole world together, just makes me love you both even more. 

Thank you for watching Ginger for us all those times we went on vacation.  We never put her in a kennel and you came to our house and watched her.  

Thank you for sharing the guest room with Missy.  She is a bit of a brat and likes things the same way all the time.  But you let her into your room in the morning, way before you are ready to get up, just so she doesn't have to sit outside the door crying. 

Thank you for being such a good friend to so many.  Your loyalty to your friendships is an inspiration to me.  The fact that you have had friends for over 60 years, that blows my mind!  But I'm not surprised.  You came to SC and I introduced you to my friends, and now, they are your friends too.  Everyone loves Nora and they all ask about you and want to know when you are coming down again. 

Thank you for loving all four of your children the same.  You never pit us against each other or made us compete for your love and attention.  You love us all the same, and you love us all differently.  You allowed us to be individuals. 

Thank you for being such a cheerleader for everything I do.  Whether it's my cards, my writing, my photography or serving on a board, whatever I do, whatever I tackle, you never doubt my ability to do a good job.  Having you say "I am proud of you" means more to me than I can ever expressed.

Thank you mom, for all these things, and for all the million other things that you do for me and for so many other people.  I am the person I am today because of you.  Thank you. 💗

 

Annette Bening

I watched a nice little movie the other day called "Hope Gap".  It was released in May of 2020 and because it didn't contain super hero's, sensational car crashes or it didn't push a political agenda, it quickly faded away. 

Hope Gap is a real place and it is a beautiful stretch of cliffs in Sussex, there are stunning aerial shots of the cliffs and shoreline.  The story takes place in Seaford, which is a beautiful little village in London. "Hope Gap" is a simple little film about the end of a marriage and all the heartache that involves.  I'm glad I discovered this movie, not because it was that good of a movie, but because of Annette Bening. It was a fabulous movie because of her. 

Annette Bening is real in this role. She is 100% real. She has not botoxed her forehead, tightened her neck, or removed her smile lines.  It's that awesome!  Here is a woman who is 62 years old and is not afraid of looking 62 years old.  She is proud of looking 62 years old.  Fabulous!

How many times do you see magazine headings that flaunt this movie star's "secret for looking good at xx years of age"?  And then you look at the picture and she's not natural. There is nothing that she has done that is relatable to me, or I believe, to 75% of the female population. 

Or, if they want to be particularly nasty, they will say of the women, like Bening who chose not to fall victim to the trap, that they have "aged bad".  If you are allowed to age, you need to fall to your knees and be thankful. There is no shame in looking your age.  Own it. You earned it. 

Thank you Annette. 

Joy and Happiness at Aldi

I came across this story yesterday in my "Good Things" notebook.  I also shared it when I was on Facebook and I thought I would share with you in my blog.  It's from many years ago but I still remember that morning and just rereading the words bring me joy and happiness!  I hope it brings you a smile too! 

"I stopped into Aldi's yesterday morning to get some fruit.  It was supposed to be a quick in and out trip, but what a blessing it turned out to be!

As I was waiting in line, I hear a man shouting out greetings to the staff. Apparently he is well known here at this Aldi's because everyone was shouting greetings back to him.  I soon saw the source - it was an elderly Mexican man and he practically dances up to stand behind me in line.  I smile at him and I say "Good morning!".  I then ask him "Do you wake up like this?!"  He tipped his baseball cap and said "Yes young lady I do and I will tell you why".  

He then proceeded to tell me that every morning, when he wakes up, he thanks God for blessing him with another day and then he kisses his wife.  He then thanks God for blessing him with his wife. I ask him how long he has been married and he answered "Sixty-five years". 

He told me that everyday he plays two hours of tennis and then plays 8 holes of golf.  He then runs the errands his wife gives him before he returns home. I told him how awesome this was and I gave him a way up high high five. 

He continued:  "Do you know why I am doing all this?". He said "Next month I am going to be 89 years old and I want to party and dance all night long!".  And then right there he proceeded to swivel his hips and shuffle a dance.  I KNOW!  Adorable!

Well, I just had to give him a big, huge hug*.  He smiled and told me that I made his day.  Image that!  And here I was thinking that he made mine!"

* Before COVID when you could hug people 

Movement

"All You Need is Love". I believe that I have heard this Beatles song approximately 9,643 times in my life, plus or minus.  It's a great message isn't it?  "Love is all you need".  It's that simple: "Love, love, love.  Love is all you need".  Great song. Great message. 

But then there is this. Earlier this week, I was in my studio working and I heard this same song. But this time, instead of simply hearing, I listened, and I heard this line: "There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be".  I replayed that one line over and over and over again.  How did I miss this message?  All those times I heard this song and I missed this message?  I really needed to hear this. And it's been on my heart to share this with you. 

My message is not meant to diminish your pain or suggest that you simply "deal with it".  I know so many of your struggles and I would never suggest that reading a line from a song could make pain go away.  The message I heard was that this, this here right now, is necessary.  Necessary, but not a defeat or knock-down. Necessary, but not a call to do nothing. 

Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking "I can't do this" struggles can overwhelm you and overtake you.  But I believe in you. I believe in you because I know you have it in you to be strong.  I believe in you because I know your track record.  You did not get this far by standing still. I know because if you are reading this message, I value and treasure you and our friendship. And I believe in you. I see you and I believe in your strength.  

Don't judge or berate yourself because of someone else's agenda for you. Don't give up because you simply Can. Not. Do. One. More. Day.  But you can. You can because standing still is not an option in life. Even if you move slightly sideways, it's movement. And if that is all you do today, that is enough. Tomorrow you will move a little bit more.  And when you think you can't, you will see that you can, because you did. 

Please, do not allow your thoughts to defeat you.  You are strong and you have control over your thoughts and you do not have to accept anything that is robbing you of your joy, meaning or peace. You can acknowledge those thoughts, but you don't have to invite them in. Even if your movement for the day is to side-step that negativity, it's movement and I'm proud of you for that. And if that exhausts you, rest. Tomorrow you will try again. 

You aren't behind or forgotten.  You are where you are meant to be. Every step, every movement is necessary and important.  I believe in you.