Thursday, June 30, 2022

Releasing the Past


For more than 30 years I have carried these with me. From house to house, and from Connecticut to South Carolina, I have moved with my old journals. I started my first journal in late 1981 and the last one is dated October '93. 

What do you do with things like this? I never went back to read them, and I am certainly not going to share them with anyone. For more than 30 years, I just moved them from house to house. 

For the past 7 years the journals have been in a plastic tub in my studio closet. Earlier this month I was cleaning and I decided that I had to finally do something with them. I put them in order and beginning with the first one, I started to read my old journals. 

About halfway through 1983, I stopped reading every entry and just started skimming the pages. Shortly thereafter, I stopped reading altogether. Instead of finding this experience enlightening, I was finding it all very distressing. 

These are not my notebooks filled with "Good Things", nor were these the notebooks I keep card and mementos in. No, these were journals from what was at times unhappy and lonely. I can easily, and fondly, recall the positive experiences from this period in my life, but what I was reading about was mostly the sadness I felt. 

am so far removed from the unhappy person whose words filled these pages that I was finding it very difficult to relive this time of my life again. I made the decision that I was going to get rid of these journals. 

I got out my paper cutter, and going journal to journal, I cut the pages into strips. Once that was done, I put the strips in the tub and filled it with water.  A little extreme perhaps, but I didn't want to think about my journals and words laying in a landfill somewhere and possibly being found. I wanted to be certain, and have the peace of knowing, that they were completely unreadable.  

As soon I threw the water-soaked mess in the garbage, I felt lighter and unburdened. These journals were taking up physical and mental space in my life and I was now free of it all.  I would be lying if I said that since then I haven't had second thoughts about my decision, but ultimately, I feel I made the right decision. 

I have always been affected and influenced by the energy around me - good and bad - and making the decision to let go of these journals has been a positive and uplifting decision for me. It may not be right for everyone, but it is exactly what I needed to do. 




 

Saturday, June 11, 2022

"Good Things"

For more than 20 years, I've kept a notebook (I now have three) that I write down good things and special moments I witness in. I thought that perhaps you might enjoy some "Good Things" too. 

- Inside the Barnes & Noble and saw that there was a woman with her young boy.  They were at the Starbucks counter and the clerk came around and said to the little boy "Hi!  Are you hungry?"  The little boy replied "Yes!" and she said, with all the timing of a seasoned comic "Hello Hungry!  My name is Kelly!" Oh, how he giggled!  

To get to the library, I take a side road. I imagine at one time it was a quiet little street, but now it has become a busy side road.  During the summer months, I often see an elderly gentleman on his riding mower, and he waves to every single car. Every single car.  And it's not a hapless wave, it is a genuine howdy kind of wave.  How do you not wave back to someone like that?  

- I was at a vintage shop taking pictures when a lovely young woman stopped and asked if she could see the pictures I was taking. She had a German accent and was positively delightful. She spoke in that charming way people do when you know that they are trying to find the right word and meaning. She looked at the pictures and pointed out things to me about color and shading. I said to her "You must be an artist; you have such a good eye". She said, "Artist no. I am an Optometrist".  

- While out driving one day I saw two elderly women sitting in lawn chairs in their driveway. They were just sitting there with their coffee watching the cars go by. I would like to be that kind of friend, the friend who will sit with you in a lawn chair in your driveway watching the cars go by. 

- I was at Walgreens picking up a prescription. At the register in front of me was a little girl about the age of 5 and she was buying a greeting card with her own money. This alone was adorable enough, but what brought me heart hugs was the little purple pocketbook that she had over her shoulder and watching her so intently count out her money from her little plastic wallet. One of the sweetest things I've ever seen. 

- When I got hurt this past spring, one of my friends in the neighborhood, Norma, made me a pound cake. Y'all, I have never experienced real-honest-to-goodness pound cake until I moved down south. My dear friend Ruth used to give me pound cake to 'pay' me for taking her on errands. She knew I wouldn't take money from her, but she knew I couldn't refuse a couple slices of pound cake. I called Norma to thank her and ask her for the recipe, and bless her heart, she recited it right there on the spot. In all her 80+ years, I imagine my sweet friend Norma has made, and gifted, an awful lot of pound cakes. 

- Since the Vietnam Veterans Memorial opened in DC in 1982, more than 400,000 items have been left there. The items range from cards, photos, military patches, baseball gloves to books and stuffed animals. Every night, the items are collected by the National Park Service and accurately identified with where it was left and who it was left for and then preserved. I never thought about what happened to the items after they were left, but now that I do, it makes me feel really good. 

- We went out to dinner last night and at the table next to us was a family - a mother, a father and their two young sons. Nothing unusual or extraordinary about that except that there was not a phone in sight. This young family was talking and laughing with each other and having a wonderful time. It was so nice to see a family engaging and enjoying each other's company.

- I was at Michaels and in front of me was an elderly gentleman. He was buying artificial flowers and he was moving very slowly while writing out his check. The cashier, her name was Barbara, was a doll. Even though she had a line, she was extremely patient and didn't rush him. In fact, she was having a lovely conversation with him which he seemed to be enjoying immensely. When he was leaving, I tapped him on the shoulder and said to him "Sir, I do believe this young gal was flirting with you". He tipped his hat and said to me "Au contraire young lady, I was flirting with her."

- I was at Spartan Photo having some adjustments done to my camera. I didn't really have any place to be, so I sat and waited at the counter while they did the work. During the 90 minutes that I was there I witnessed three different heartwarming encounters. 

The first was a woman who was picking up a canvas print of her dog Lucy. The joy on her face as she held the canvas told me that Lucy is one lucky dog.

Next, a woman came to the counter to give her name. They came out of the back room with a large envelope and handed it to her. I noticed that her hands were shaking as she opened the envelope. She pulled out the prints and immediately started crying - deep and sorrowful sobs. I got up off my stool and put my arm around her as she cried.  

She told me that this was the first time seeing these photos as they were printed from negatives she found at her mom's house. She told me that her grandparents raised her, and she then began to share the pictures with me. 

Some of the pictures showed her as an infant in the arms of her grandparents and some showed just her grandparents, but every picture, every single picture, showed joy. What a wonderful blessing to be there with her and for her to share this with me. 

The third was a gentleman who was getting a reprint made of his wedding day. He found the original and it shows him moments after his wife fed him cake. The delight that was captured in their faces was priceless. He told me that his daughter and her family were coming to visit from Missouri for their 40th wedding anniversary and he wanted to surprise everyone with this photo. 

Every morning before I rise from bed I pray and ask God to allow me to be a blessing to others this day.  What I find is that most days I am the one being blessed.