My Cup

I was, I am, a "people pleaser".  The difference between the people pleasing Janet then, and the people pleasing Janet now, is that it no longer defines me. 

It took a lot of reflection, prayer and resolve for me to understand that my self-worth is not based on how my offering was received. I am no longer a "people pleaser", my intent now is to please people. The rearrangement of these two words made a big difference. 

I am, and always have been, a nurturer. I give and do things for others because it brings me tremendous joy and satisfaction to do so. Unfortunately, there were times that I allowed the acceptance, or appreciation, of my gestures and actions to dictate how I felt as a person. It was unfair and wrong of me to place this silent obligation on the receiver. A gift is a gift and not something that should ever have strings attached to it, seen or unseen.

For most of my early adult life, I held out my cup and asked others to fill my cup. I know now, what I wished I learned earlier, is that the cup is mine to fill. 

"Happy Photos"

How about some "Happy Photos"! I realized that my last few blog entries have been rather 'heavy' so I thought I would share with you some of the pictures that I keep on my "Happy Photos" thumb drive.  

All the photos have been taken by me, although not all of them have my name on them. I used to put my name on every single photo that I posted on Facebook (back when I was on FB) or on Instagram - I do it sometimes now, but not always. 

Some of the photos are 'staged' and some are random 'I was in the right place' shots, but they all make me happy.  

It is my hope that one or two will make you happy, or perhaps smile! 💓😊

Passages

My neighbor across the street from us died recently.  He was only 45 years old. I wrote about him briefly in my blog (Missy Makes Me Laugh: Outside my Window). Barrett purchased a home that was only about 3 years old and totally renovated it before he moved in.  

I watched the activity outside my studio window. I saw the workers there almost every single day. They worked all winter (mainly) in the garage - no matter how cold it was outside. A few times a week his mother, Diane, would come in to help with the renovation and the decorating. Seeing what was coming out, and what was going into the house, had me very curious. I couldn't wait to see the finished home.   

One day I got my chance and Barrett took me on a tour of his home. It was stunning. Every single detail was perfect. Most of his furnishings were high-end antiques and so carefully and thoughtfully selected. Barrett told me about the antique shopping trips he shared with his mother. They both enjoyed taking road trips and attending auctions and estate sales and did it as often as they could. 

After approximately six months of renovation, he moved into his home around the end of March this past year.  Barrett died less than a year from his move-in date. 

Recently I met a young man that owns an estate liquidation business and he needed help with a home. The home belonged to an elderly couple in their late 90's who were moving into an assisted living center. The family had been there previously and what remained were the items that they did not want. There was still so much left behind, a houseful really. As I was helping Tyler clean out drawers and closets, I uncovered boxes of pictures, albums of travel itineraries and stacks of cards and letters. All left behind. 

I am sentimental and I am a 'saver', two traits that have the potential to overwhelm me at times. I am overwhelmed not only with my own things, but with other peoples' things as well. As much as I knew that I needed to distance myself from this task, I was finding it difficult to do. 

As I was going through the things, I couldn't help but be saddened by the circumstances. How did it come to this? This couple spent more than 50 years living in this home, raising a family, traveling and creating memories only to have it sorted out by two complete strangers. 

I went directly from helping Tyler to the visitation for Barrett. Two different but similar circumstances which filled me with such sadness. Barrett spent months preparing a home that he would live in for less than a year, and a couple that had spent 50+ years living in a home that they left behind. I lay awake all night thinking about my day. 

I struggle with it. I struggle with the finality of it all. My beliefs reassure me that this all is just temporary. Our final home will be much grander than anything we can even imagine. But yet, I still struggle at times with it here now. 

We spend our lives creating a life and memories and all we can really hope for is that someone will recognize, remember and honor our existence after we are gone.