Weight, Food and my Thoughts

Over the past 35 years, there has not been one single day when I have not thought about food.  Not one single day when I have not obsessed about what I ate, what I shouldn't have eaten, or what I would like to eat. I have literally spent more than half of my life fixated on food. Crazy right?  

At the end of each day, I go over in my mind what I had eaten that day.  Often I would judge a day as being "good" because I was able to follow the unrealistic goals I set for myself.  But years of unhealthy and restricted eating means that I rarely view any day as a "good" food day.  And yes, it is as tiring and soul crushing as it sounds.  So much energy wasted and so much time spent on negative thoughts. I'm almost 59 years old and I often forget this. This body, as the kids say "It is what it is".

I have always been restricted and picky about what I eat. I haven't eaten meat, poultry or really any kind of fish for almost 40 years.  I don't eat fast food of any kind and I do not eat any franchise food that is 'assembled' and not actually prepared in a restaurant kitchen. I also eat very little fried, processed or packaged food*.  

So, no fast food or heavily processed food, this all sounds great right? Yup, my blood pressure, my heart rate and my blood work are all fabulous.  However, just because I don't eat the 'bad for you foods', it doesn't mean that I eat the 'good for you foods'.  Because of the restrictions I have placed, I have spent almost my whole life not eating enough protein or getting enough calcium. And my body reflects this. 

My body has as much muscle tone as a couch pillow.  And I am not talking about those all-firm-looking-pretty-on-your couch-just-for-show pillows.  Nope, I am talking about the pillows that are in the TV room.  The ones that are all squishy and comfortable. Yup, put overalls on them and that's basically me, Janet Alden all squishy and cellulitiey.  

Ahhh cellulite. My legs are full of cellulite so I no longer wear shorts.  And there is no way to get rid of cellulite - I've tried.  I've tried lotions, pills and whatever else QVC sells. Still got cellulite.  I've looked all over the world wide interweb thingy, and it has been determined that once you have cellulite, it's yours for life. Even when I weighed less than 100 lbs, I had cellulite on my legs. So, I have cellulite and I am going to die with cellulite. It is what it is. 

The newest treat is that my arms are starting to get cellulite too. Isn't that just grand?  Yup, just grand. But y'all, I live in South Carolina where it is warm for most of the year and I'm not going to wear long sleeves all the time. But I will say this, if I am feeling particularly bold and sassy, I wear sleeveless shirts. But shorts? Nope, I ain't ever going to feel that bold and sassy.

Sure, it would be easy to blame society, the media and the fashion industry for my distorted thoughts on food and weight, but I won't. It's all on me. These thoughts are in my head and I own them.  I have the ability to keep them or throw them out. This second half of my life is all about throwing them out.  While I am still self-conscious about some parts of my body, I am also embracing the other parts. 

My phone has been sending me pictures from 7 years ago.  Always fun right?  Except when they aren't. These pictures were taken 7 years ago when I weighed 95 lbs. That was an all-time low for me and it is painful for me to see these reminders. It used to be that I would look at those pictures and beat myself up for what I no longer was. Isn't that sad? But it is the truth. But it is not my truth anymore. 

More than half of my life spent thinking about food and my weight. What a waste of a life. I've accomplished much in my life but I still have a lot more that I want to accomplish and do. And I am determined to not spend the second half of my life obsessing or wasting energy, or time, focused on food or my weight. 

* "Salt, Sugar and Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us" and "Hooked: Food, Free Will and How the Food Giants Exploit our Addictions" both by Michael Moss are excellent books that talk about how the processed food manufacturers are making us fat, obese and unhealthy.  I highly recommend both of these books!

The Hummingbird Connection

My plan for the morning was to run a few errands, go to the library and come home and write the blog I have been 'writing' in my head for the past week.  It all started out very well until I saw a sign for a yard sale along the way. Of course I stopped. There was an elderly gentleman walking around putting prices on items and we immediately began a conversation.

He was very nice and told me the stories behind almost everything that I picked up or looked at.  He had some really neat things and almost every single item was an antique. Just about everything was made in the USA, solid wood, solid metal or completely handmade.  He shared with me the stories and history behind the car models, records, pottery and glassware.  Because I am really trying to make an effort to not bring home so many treasures, I decided that there wasn't anything that I needed.  Then I spied a stack of pictures leaning up against a tree. I noticed some vintage frames and went over to take a look. I flipped through them and saw this print of hummingbirds.

I know!  Hummingbirds!  As I've shared, and as so many of you know, hummingbirds are my thing.  Hummingbirds represent so many things in my life and they always seem to show up as little winks from God at just the right time. I saw this and it was perfect!  I asked Michael (we had already shared names) how much it was and he said "I don't know, let me ask my wife Judy".

Judy was laying down on a chair in the back and Michael explained that she is suffering from a sciatica flare-up. I picked up the print and brought it over to her and that began our hour-long conversation. And because these two connections, the hummingbirds and the sciatica, were not enough, their lovely dog Sadie was laying back there with her as well!  

We talked about hummingbirds and our experiences with them, we talked about her sciatica and our struggles with that and we talked about our dogs.  Sadie was a mix of Cocker Spaniel and Rottweiler and was just delightful!  Judy and I, and occasionally Michael, had such an easy and comfortable time talking about her volunteering with the church, about my mission to donate cards and our shared love of vintage pottery.  

She explained that she used to go to estate and yard sales with her son and it was something that they both really enjoyed doing together.  Now that he is married and has a family, his time is limited. She brought me into her shed where she had stored a lot of her pieces.  She had lots of Shawnee, Hull and McCoy pieces, all things she has picked up through the years or items that were given to her as gifts.  She shared with me that Michael has some health issues and they are looking to scale back to spare their family from having to deal with it all "when the time comes". We spent a long time talking about her pieces, her plants (she had a lovely garden), the birds she gets at her feeders and her church.  And sweet Sadie was getting lots of loving and attention - so she was pretty happy too. 

After we were talking for a while she said, "I want to go in the house to get something.  I will be right back".  She came back out with a porcelain hummingbird figurine.  She said "I want you to have this." I began to gently protest and then I remembered something that my friend Jennifer Gray said.  She said that when people try to refuse her compliment or gift, she says "Don't block my gift".  It means, roughly, let me do this for you. I think of that a lot, and I gratefully accepted Judy's gift of the hummingbird figurine. God was winking again. 

I gave Judy my card and thanked her and Michael for their kindness and for spending their time with me. I got back to my car and realized that I had spent an hour talking with these two delightful people.  I also realized that my blog, the one I was "writing in my head" will have to wait.  I now had a new blog to write. 

I thought about the three different routes I could have taken this morning and how I was supposed to meet Judy and Michael, and Sadie.  Sometimes, oftentimes, things happen and you meet people that are exactly who you are supposed to meet.  One thing I know for sure is that the more that I open my heart and look for the blessings, the more I find them. 

I am putting together a packet of cards and I'm going to drop them off to Judy and Michael's house next week.  Along with a bag of treats for Sadie. 💓

 

"Looking for a new Notebook and not Settling"

As I've shared with you all, I have a lot of different notebooks. Lots of different kinds of notebooks and they all have a specific purpose.  

First, I have large scrapbooks. 

This is where I put the cards, drawings 

and articles I've liked and want to keep. 1  

Then there are the notebooks 
that I put quotes and small 
cartoons in. 2

I have a notebook that I use to 

write down blog ideas and 

thoughts in.

The notebook that I keep in my pocketbook to write down things that I want to remember while I am out and about.

The notebook I keep in the car to write down things that I don't want to forget while I am driving.

There is the notebook that I keep in the studio and a notebook that I keep by the TV to write down things that I hear. 

        

I keep a notebook by the side of the bed to write down meaningful things that I've read, things that I remembered and don't want to forget, and sometimes I write down snippets of dreams that I remember when I wake up. 

There is the notebook that I keep on the kitchen table next to me to write down things I want to look up or that I need to do on the computer.

And then there are the notebooks I have that I use for specific topics. These are for things like Christian quotes, Introvert topics and Hospice stories....

So, you get the idea, I have a lot of notebooks!  And surprisingly, I needed yet another notebook!  

I knew exactly what kind of notebook I was looking for;  I wanted this notebook to lay flat when open, not be spiral, be legal-lined, not be too big, and not be too thick or too thin. And, it had to have a cover that I liked. I knew exactly what I wanted and I headed out to the stores to find it. 

First, I went to the Office Max, TJ Maxx and Barnes & Noble near us.  While they had plenty of stock to choose from, there was nothing that was exactly what I wanted. B&N had one that met the first five requirements, and I almost bought it, but I wasn't crazy about the cover, so I didn't. I headed home. 

As I was driving home, I was thinking about this - it's just a notebook.  Really, why is it such a big deal? But I realized, it is not just a notebook, it is a desire to not settle.  

I have spent the first part of my life often settling for things and situations that weren't exactly what I wanted.  I settled, and more times than not, I ended up disappointed.  At this stage in my life, I no longer settle.  If I know what I want and I have certain criteria that I want to fulfill, I know that I will be disappointed with anything less. This can be difficult when I am looking for the perfect notebook or product and it has proven to be difficult in other areas of my life as well.  

I have never been a lazy person and I do not do anything half-way. Nothing. If I commit to something, I am all in.  I have never been one to believe in doing something just to get it done and over with. That has always been a true constant in my life, but sometimes I have settled just to keep the peace. 

It is only recently that I recognized the difference between settling and my displeasure with the end result. And I am determined to no longer settle.  Whether it is helping out a shop owner at their business, serving as a volunteer in our neighborhood or purchasing a product, I will not do or buy something just to get it done.  While this has not always been easy, especially when I am pressured to get something done fast, it is something that I will continue to apply in my life. In the long run, no matter how difficult it was at the time, not settling has always been the right thing for me to do. 

I eventually found the notebook I wanted and it did meet all the criteria I was looking for, but I had to visit a lot of stores to find it.  I could have settled and bought the notebook I saw at the B&N, and I won't lie, after the 7th or 8th store, I almost went back to buy it.  But I knew that if I did buy it, every time I saw the cover and used the notebook I would have known that I settled and I wouldn't be pleased with it or with myself. 

Whether I am looking for the perfect item or performing a task, I know that settling or doing something halfway will only make me unhappy, disappointed and not feeling proud of myself.  And at this stage in my life, I am not willing to settle for any one of those end results. 

1. I have been keeping these for over 20 years and I have 7 of these. 

2. I've been keeping these for over 30 years and currently have more than 11 of these. 

Things I am really good at....

......that are not really "resume worthy".

☑  I have never eaten a Big Mac, Whopper or any kind of KFC chicken. Never. Ever. In my whole life. 

☑   I can open the dryer door, toss in a fabric softener sheet, and close the door and not have it turn off. 1

☑  I once waited 11 minutes to go out to my mailbox after the mail was delivered. 

☑  I can walk by the "Bullseye Playground" in my local Target without stopping. 

☑  I can identify any candy bar by the description. 2

☑  I have never been fooled by those 'fake baseballs shattering the windshield' stickers.

☑  I am 99% right at predicting Missy's cough vs Missy's "I'm getting ready to puke" noise. 3

☑  I can stop the gas pump on an 'even' number when pumping gas. 4

☑  I can usually identify that guy in the movie as being the guy in another movie we saw.

☑  I walk away from any estate sale or flea market I stop at with at least one piece of vintage linen. 5

☑ I routinely produce, what I believe are, the world's sharpest pencils. 

☑  I can name that tune in 3 notes. 6

☑  I'm really awesome at choosing "strong" passwords. 7

☑  I have not balanced my checkbook in 23 years. 8

1. You have to be fast.

2. I'm really good at naming nuts too.
3. Mr. Alden get's it wrong 79% of the time. 
4. Again, you have to be fast.
5. It's some sort of magnet or something.

6. Two or one if it is a Paul Simon song
7. Or so I'm told when I create them.
8. Maybe not something to be proud of, but there it is. 

I bet you all have some really great talents too!

Quotes and Snippets I

The month of April was very tough for me and I sure am glad we are in May!  My month started with a sciatic nerve flare up.  This first one lasted about a week and subsided after much rest, heat, and thankfully, anti-inflammatory and pain medication.  

The second flare up was much worse.  It came on about 6 days later and it was one of the worst I have ever had.  I needed to get in to see my Doctor for a steroid shot and an oral steroid pack for the inflammation.  This second flare up was stubborn and took longer, even with the steroids, to calm down.  More rest, heat and medication. 

And then, because apparently this was not enough to try to wear me down, I experienced serious and adverse side effects to a new medication I was prescribed.  It took about ten days for this medicine to get completely out of my system and those ten days were long and rough. My sciatic was still inflamed, but thankfully the worst of that was over.  So, at this point, you are most likely thinking "And this is a blog because......."

Well, because I couldn't do much else, I spent a lot of time listening to TED Talks and listening to and reading non-fiction books and audio.  I have always kept a notebook or two with me to write down things I hear or read that are meaningful to me, and this blog is me sharing some of these things with you. 

Some of what I included are quotes, some are snippets of larger discussions and some are just things that struck a cord with me. I hope that perhaps you too may be able to find wisdom in these offerings as well.  In some cases, I may not be able to attribute and give credit to the author, but I did when I could. 

✔ "If your creativity is driven by a desire to get attention, you're never going to be creatively fulfilled."  Joseph Gordon-Levitt on Ted Talks 1

✒ Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to live with the results.

✔ In an October 1985 interview, Merv Griffin asked Orson Wells "...were there certain parts of your life that were really joyous?". He responded:  "Oh yes....there are certain parts of almost every day that are joyous. I am not essentially a happy person, but I have all kinds of joy." 2

✔ "You don't always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it too." Anne Lamott on Ted Talks

✔ "If all the insects were to disappear from the Earth, within 50 years all life on earth would end.  If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish." Jonas Salk quoted on Ted Talks

✒ If you have been successful in the past, beware and consider this: If what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today.

✒ "For some people, being angry is better than being ignored. Childhood habits that go unaltered turn into unconscious ways of being."   Rachel Hollis

✒ If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.  You should want to surround yourself with people who are better than you in areas that you want to improve in. 

✔ "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?" John Wooden on Ted Talks

✔ The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. 

✒ The older I get, the more I find that a good quit feels powerful. Deciding what you won't have in your life is as important as deciding what you will have. 

✒ "There are known knows. These are things we know that we know.  There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. These are things we don't know we don't know." Donald Rumsfeld

✒ "I took to my bed.  I like the way that sounds: I took to my bed. It implies that I acted with style and flourish, perhaps adorned with a pink satin bed jacket. It suggests that I knew what I was doing. But I didn't. I only know how to tell the tale." Margaret Overton "Hope for a Cool Pillow"

✔ "There are two kinds of gratitude:  The sudden kind we feel for what we take, and the larger kind we feel for what we give." Edwin Arlington Robinson

✔ You don't need everyone to love you. Just a few good people." Charity Barnum

✒ When we throw out the physical clutter, we clear our minds.  When we throw out the mental clutter, we clear our souls." Gail Blanke

✒ "Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God." Ronald Reagan. 

✔ If you spend your day looking for blessings, here's the magic - you'll find them. 

I have notebooks, LOTS of notebooks and scrapbooks, full of these kinds of quotes and 'wisdom', and I hope to be able to share more in the future.  

As always, I appreciate you reading and supporting me and my little blog! 💓🙏

1. You may recognize his name from "3rd Rock from the Sun" and "Snowden".  He did an outstanding segment on Ted Talks: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: How craving attention makes you less creative | TED Talk

2. The whole interview was fascinating.  This particular interview was the last he ever did, literally. He died in the early morning after returning to his home hours after the taping.  I'm glad that he died joyful and content with his life.  Orson Welles Final Interview - Video | eBaum's World (ebaumsworld.com)