"Pictures, no words"

"Listen to my heart"

While going through some emails this week, I came across some emails from my friend Leslie.  The good thing about being a 'saver' is that I have these wonderful treasures from my friend.  This is also what makes it a sad thing. The 17th of April will be one year since Leslie died and I miss her.

Leslie and I had very similar interests and taste so it is not rare for me to be reminded of her and miss our friendship.  But as I read her words now, I find that I have so many different and deeper emotions than last year. 

I met Leslie through email when we both worked at ESPN.  Our work correspondence very quickly developed into a friendship when we realized we were both mad about chocolate.  Like crazy mad about chocolate.  Soon we found that we had a lot more than chocolate in common and we would talk, write and visit often.

Leslie loved to hear stories about Ginger. If she wasn't giving me chocolate, she was giving me treats to bring home to Ginger.  One of the emails I came across was one that was written after we had lost Ginger in 2011 very suddenly to cancer.  Leslie wrote to tell me she was heartbroken not only because she loved Ginger, but because she knew how much I loved Ginger.  That's the kind of friend she was.  She was always so thoughtful and cognizant of other people's needs and feelings.

Over the past few years we weren't in contact quite as often.  We would reach out to the other whenever we had read a good book or found an awesome vintage website.  Those were two of our most common interests and we always shared new information with the other.

Leslie had a kind and gentle heart. She was also a very private person.  She held her pain and sadness very tightly and silently.  I knew she often felt overwhelmed but I never pushed her to tell me more than she was comfortable telling me.

I should have pushed. 

Our friendship was built on what I now know were 'safe' topics. She would want to know all about the treasures I've found in South Carolina, and she'd share with me her Connecticut finds.  I would ask her about the clothes the women were wearing on "Mad Men" and she would suggest books for me to put on my list to read next.  She never shared with me her struggles and I never asked.  I didn't know to ask.

Now I know.  Now I know that what some people keep in their heart is sometimes so painful that they are simply unable or afraid to share.

If I had the chance again, I would make sure she knew how awesome she is.  How kind and gentle and sweet.  But most importantly, I would tell her that I believe in her. That she is stronger than she realizes and she should never, ever doubt that. 

'You smell nice'

 

Yesterday, someone told me that I smelled nice and it just made my little ole heart smile! 
 
When someone notices and comments on my perfume, I am always flattered. To me, it is one of the best compliments I can receive.
 
If you tell me you like my shoes or pocketbook, I will say "Thank you".  However, if you tell me that you like the way I smell, I will say "Thank you" and I will wiggle in delight. 

See the difference?
 
Even though it appears that every celebrity, and in most cases non-celebrity, has their name on a perfume, your scent remains as one of the most personal and intimate accessory you can choose.

Complimenting someone on their scent is such a subtle way to say 'I noticed you'. It means that you appreciated something about them that is not obvious.  

When someone notices how I smell, I feel recognized, appreciated and special in such a wonderful way.  Even if, truth be told, most times I simply smell like chocolate.

 

A Post About Not Blogging

For the past week or so, I have been working1 on a blog entry.  I have started and stopped about 487 times2 and just can't seem to get my thoughts together.  I know what I want to write about, I just seem to be, I don't know, stuck.  I have "Blogger's Block3".  And this has me pondering.

I am not a good writer, and I don't pretend to be. Grammar, punctuation, sentence structure4, um, yeah, so not my forte.  And sometimes this slogs me down.

I know there are all kinds of books and resources out there to help me write better,5 but like, I'm totally not going to read a book on Grammar.  It's just not going to happen when there are so many other lovely books to read in the world. I let the "Spell and Grammar" option in 'Word' catch and correct my errors and hope for the best for the rest. 

Unfortunately, what happens is that sometimes I get too caught up in the 'rules' and stop writing.
 
What I really enjoy doing is observing and sharing.  This is what I like and want to do and this is what brings me the most joy. Having a platform to share my observations with people tickles me and encourages me to continue.  And when I really think about it, this is what seems to bring me back again and again. 

I'm not going to allow the rules to restrict me (within reason) and I'll just try to do the best I can and enjoy the process.
 
So, this blog?  This blog is simply about my wanting to blog, but feeling stuck.  It's about feeling stuck, but still wanting to reach out and share and give. 

Please consider this simple little blog a hug for your heart6.
 
1. When I say working, I mean getting up at crazy insane hours in the morning.
2. Or there about.
3. High five to Mr. Alden for this.
4. And while we are at it, geography and math too.
5. Like here, I'm sure there is a semi colon or dash or something that goes here, but I haven't a clue.
6. I know.  I'm a dork.